Archive for August, 2009


Remember elementary school? You may have said something that was incorrect or offensive, and immediately said, “I take it back, you can’t be angry.”

Well, as adults, you can’t take it back. Once a person says something that is offensive, and it is perceived as intentional, you lose credibility, respect and influence. Liberals, conservatives, Republican, Democrat, business owners have all said inflammatory remarks. Most recently, Glenn Beck had advertisers withdraw form his program. While ratings may stay the same, incoming money flow has been impacted.

When you want to be heard, understood, and have your opinion listened to, and even responded to, professional decorum and respect is critical. At home and work, it is difficult to repair damage from poor communication. Getting a reputation as a malcontent, putting your foot in your mouth, or other mistakes can cost a relationship, promotion or a job.

Communication or speaking with a professional manner leads to success and a great reputation. Integrity and respect will follow you.

Whether you like an individual, boss or political figure is not necessary. Treating a boss, friend, significant other, friend, political figure, customer well provides long term benefits.

5 Tips for professional communication:

1) Think before you speak: If you are feeling insulted, surprised by someone else, caught off guard, your gut instinct response is probably incorrect. Take a breath, think before you say something.

2) Scripting: Use communications scripts. Short statements that you can memorize to use under pressure. Use “I” statements instead of “you” comments. ” I think, I prefer, I wonder if, it seems like.”

3) Make eye contact: When you make eye contact with a person, no matter their title, you equalize the power in the moment. The other person tends to back off or calm down.

4) Ask a question: If a person comes on particularly strong or overwhelms you, ask a ended question about why they are upset. “I wonder if your upset about, What’s really going on here, I want to resolve this with you.”

5) Walk away: If you are overwhelmed, upset or can’t respond, simply say, ” I am so upset, or I need you to ca,m down, let’s take a break.”

Dr. Brian Grossman is a communication expert. If you would like a free report on Listening for profits, a coaching session or other information on how Dr. Brian can optimize your communication, e-mail him at

Call in every Monday night, How men & women communicate differently.

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When Manuel, the sales VP, delivered –on time– the agenda for the three day conference in Palm Desert, his boss rewarded him with a $500 American Express gift certificate and a standing ovation at that afternoon’s meeting. The only problem was this: Manuel didn’t do any of the work. His secretary, Alicia, came up with the ideas. She solicited suggestions from the staff. She rewrote, revised, and creatively designed each meeting, lunch, and breakfast, and she even kept after Manuel to prioritize his schedule so that he’d turn the agenda in on time.

When Alicia heard about Manuel’s rewards, (and heard not a word of praise from Manuel), she very calmly went to her computer, simply put together all her emails to Manny, warning him he’ll miss his deadline, and made copies of all the notes she took, showing (very clearly) that the titles and agenda and summaries were hers, not Manny’s.

Her message to the CEO was clear and succinct: “I don’t mind at all being the eyes, ears, and the brains behind this conference. It’s what makes my job exciting. I would just like some credit for it.”
Every day people take credit for someone else’s ideas, and this causes turmoil in the office. Not only does it damage morale, but it creates an atmosphere of lies and deception, not a pleasant atmosphere to work in.

Based on a real incident, the Manuel /Alicia confrontation turned into an interesting war of words. Join us at 7 a.m.,August 26, 2009 to hear what happened. Go to with your questions and answers, We always look forward to hearing what drives you crazy in the office.

The above article was written by Dr. Gary Seigel author of The Mouth Trap. Gary@The Dr. Gary & Brian co-host the Conultant/Insultant radio show on,

Please e-mail Dr. Brian at

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Usain Bolt is the fastest human on earth. Nobody is close. He keeps getting better. He clearly enjoys what he does. He takes pride in his profession and is not afraid to share his goals and speak his mind.

Usain Bolst said in Berlin, “I want to reach legend status.” A friend called and stated “how arrogant is Usain Bolt?” My reply; “Successful people do not have to apologize for setting high standards.”

At work, how are the best at your company perceived? How do they interact with others? How can you reach the “Best” ranking at work?

The tips below are time tested, best practices for maintaining consistent success.

Here are five tips:

1) Perfect practice: Become great at what you do at work. Do your job so well that it becomes seamless, and you inspire others to copy you.

2) Become an expert: Take in new information, read, attend seminars, know your area of work better than anyone else at your company or agency.

3) Create a team: Usain Bolt has trainers and coaches. Create a team that supports and complements your efforts at work. If you cannot create that at work, hire a coach, create a mentor or mastermind group, and attend trade association meetings.

4) Pursue excellence: Consistently maintain high performance standards. Make your minimum goal at work the highest standard listed for your performance review.

5) Passion: Enjoy your work. revel in the pursuit of reaching best status or a higher level of success. have fun, and share your enthusiasm with others.

You will not become best overnight. Yet, adopting these time tested strategies will assist you in rising to the top in your area of work.

Dr. Brian Grossman has been studying and utilizing performance strategies that work with thousands of people and hundreds of businesses. Call or e-mail Dr.Brian to explore if he can help you and your team become best in class.

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Are your employees motivated by profit? Is market share your only purpose? Why do you get out of bed in the morning? I suggest that it is purpose, vision, pssion for yourself, your co-workers and the environment.

Read the tips below, and take a look at Dr. Patrick Dixon on the link below.

4 Tips:

1) Have a clear Vision and Mission for yourself and your team.

2) Focus on the motivators for each individual and teh group as a whole.

3) Reinforce what motivates you, and share that enthusiasm with the team.

4) Follow up: Be consistent, keep appointments.

Click on the Motivation at work statement below

Motivation at work

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Take a look at this Video; How can your company leverage this center?

The World Resources Simulation Center

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Can Brett Favre save your company? Can Brett Favre increase your profits? Can Brett Favre motivate your team?

You must be asking, “What’s your point?” ESPN, CNN, MSNBC, Minnesota newspapers all report higher ratings and sales when they report ANYTHING about Brett Favre. Minnesota Vikings is now must see football.

What is your company doing to create a buzz factor? Has your company reminded customers how you help them with success? Are you sending out press releases, blog posts, invitations?

What have your leaders done to re-motivate internal customers?

5 tips on how Brett Favre increases your business:

1) Excel at what you do: Help your team members be their best and provide all the tools for them to perform well.

2) Create a buzz about your business in your community and around your competition. What does your company do to create a buzz? Community projects? Charity? Press Releases? Bolg? Social Media?

3) Communicate: Keep your team, internal customers in the loop.
Keep all necessary teams involved.

4) Secrecy: Only let information out that you will be okay with on the NY Times front page. Minnesota’s head coach kept denying interest in Brett Favre. That was the right thing to do to keep his team focused.
Take a lesson from the Philadelphia Eagles: NOBODY knew they signed Michael Vick. That is top down, bottom up leadership.

5) CLEAR Goals: Keep taking an assessment of your goals and strategies. If your company is moving forward, make changes now.

Dr. Brian Grossman has been leading teams and companies since leaving prison…as a psychologist 15 years ago. Please call or e-mail me for a free consultation on how Motivation strategies can work for your team.

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Thousands of seminars with men, women, business owners, and I hear the same issue: Why do women always win an argument?
Many times, men complain that women will:
• Hold a grudge
• Bring up an issue at the wrong time
• Complain about something from six months ago
• Cry for no reason or to manipulate
Women complain:
• Men yell for effect
• Express anger by slamming door or throwing objects
• Purposely avoid the main topic
• Blame
Experience tells us that we often communicate differently at home than at work. Would you actually throw an object at a spouse or family member? How often do you berate family members in front of other people, yet at work it may be a regular event?
Has crying been used to manipulate an issue at work?

The truth is all of the above may be true. Reality says we can communicate better. The issue “winning” in a argument needs to be defined. Our goal is that through collaboration both sides can mutually agree.


Men use logic to process information. Men also believe that once a a discussion has closed or finished, the issue is completed. Men prefer to move on, and the issue need not be brought up again.

Women may nod in agreement, while disagreeing with the verbal outcome. Women will use intuition and feeling to resolve an issue. When an issue is not resolved, women may wait weeks or months to re-address the issue.

• Collaborate rather than compromise on hot button issues
• Use “I” statements when speaking up
• Identify emotions of both people rather than try logic in conflict
• Agree to resolve issues within 24-48 hours of a disagreement
• Agree to not demean or berate each other
This is a brief snippet of information on the issue men and women arguing. Please join Dr. Brian Grossman & Karen Marzo for a weekly Tele-seminar, Monday nights at 6PM PST.
Click on this link or go to and click on calendar or events.

E-mail questions to

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The following was written by Dr. Gary Seigel, author of The Mouth Trap. E-mail Dr. Gary at Check out Wednesday morning at 8:00 AM, hosted by Dr Brian & Dr. Gary.

I recently had a conversation with Jody, an accounting expert at a large private gourmet food chain in Southern California:

My boss recently exploded when I told him I was not up to speed on this new software we installed.

“You took a tutorial in it, didn’t you?” he yelled at me. He was obviously frustrated because we were behind in getting the data to the accountant, and I suppose the bank was holding back a loan until these figures were turned in.

“Look, Ernie,” I said. “I have only been working on this for a week, and the tutorial was only half helpful. I have so many questions and it would be great if I take a whole day class in it at the software facility in Cleveland.”…

“Cleveland, are you nuts!”

“Well it’s a two day thing but that will get ME up to speed, and we’ll meet all our deadlines that way. I asked to go before. In fact, the manufacturer recommended it and included the tuition in the cost of the software package, but you said we couldn’t afford the time.”

Rather than sit and discuss this with me, Ernie stormed out – Ernie’s usual way – and I could hear him say to other workers in the hallway “Now she wants to go to Cleveland. I can’t believe it. She knows how important this data is and she can’t take the time to figure it out on her own. I have shpilcas just thinking about it!”

He slammed his door shut, and I just sat in my cubicle crying. When I got some composure I walked in, put a course description I had taken off the Internet and slapped it on his desk. The seminar — taught here locally over the next few weeks was called How to Work more effectively with Employees. And all I said to him was –“ You should take this class and I should go to Cleveland. Agreed?”

Jody called to ask my opinion of how she handled it, and what she should do.
Here’s what I said:

I said her attempt to correct her boss’s behavior may have been well-intentioned, but she took a passive-aggressive approach that will undermine their relationship.
The real problem here is the boss’s perception of training. Had he understood the importance of taking an actual course – taught by experts – in the actual software facility – he might have approved that trip weeks ago. She’d up to speed. End of story.

How many companies often wait to pay for expensive training until a bomb goes off? Then the boss sends the employees to school to learn how to diffuse the bomb the next time it goes off.

The chances are the boss’s reaction really had little to do with Jody. He was frustrated that he had not made the right decisions a month ago – and sent Jody to the training, as was recommended by the software manufacturer.

Now as far as Jody’s response – this was explosive. Yes, the boss may benefit from communication training, but it’s awkward and probably out of place for an employee to insist her boss takes a tact and finesse workshop. There might have been better ways the two of them could have dealt with this situation, especially since time was of the essence. The bank needs the data. Jody must get put o speed so she can meet the company’s expectations. And the boss needs to learn how to communicate more effectively under pressure.

How does one deal with all these different issues? Check in On Line Wednesday, August 19, 2009 at 8:00 AM PST for the Consultant/Insultant Radio show.

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Tom walked into his office an was met by his immediate boss. Tom is an engineer working on project that involves the city, county and two private companies. Tom designs the project that involves all of the clients listed above. It is a water treatment facility.

Recently, a new CEO, CFO and three managers were promoted and hired from the outside. Tom mentioned to me that ” When I asked for help and input, I was told, You should know what you are doing.”

Tom also mentioned he was criticized when he independently made a decision when meeting with the clients.
The question: “How do I function when I am criticized for asking for help and not asking for help?”

Leadership needs to be consistent with their teams and departments.
It is paramount to have a pre-planned focus for your employees to perform at their best.

When should they act independently? When should they ask for help?
My question: Why would anyone criticize an employee for asking for help on a big project?

Certainly, there is a difference between employees who consistently do not perform well, or do not make good decisions. When you criticize an employee who is a consistent or top performer for both asking for help and acting independently, it creates a huge lack of trust. This is when employees begin to make minimal decisions and become dependent on their manager or boss. Why make a decision without checking when you are placed in a “no win” situation.

When you put employees in a position of empowerment, clear communication and guidelines, you are rewarded with high performance.

Contact Dr. Brian at for help in creating high performing teams. He has 15 years of experience with companies in created high retention and high performing teams.

Decide on a consistent plan of communication. Focus on when employees need to check in and when they should act independently.

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The following was written by Dr. Gary Seigel, author of The Mouth Trap.

Frank strolled in 20 minutes late to a meeting of his 25 sales managers, .Just as he was about to address the group, his assistant handed him the mock-up of the new company calendar for 2010 “This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen,” Frank muttered out loud. “Why are we spending money on this crap?”

He threw up his hands, shook his head and began the meeting “All right. Tell me something I can’t whine about.”

The roomful of managers said nothing.

“I have ten minutes. You have some issues? Talk to me.”

Still, silence.

“Be that way,” Frank said, as he walked out. “This is not the right time to piss me off.”

.Frank’s perspective: We’re in the red. I’m tired of the staff spending company money and company time on frivolous projects like a calendar. Am I the only one who THINKS around here? And stop being so sensitive and realize in this recession environment, we have to think smart, think bottom line, and get results. I’m surrounded by idiots.

The managers’ perspective: Five of the 25 sales managers served on the editorial staff of the calendar, a project Frank had approved nearly a year ago… It had pictures from the company picnic, cartoons, and witty quotations that would cheer people up and serve as a great gift at the Christmas party in November. Though Frank had orally approved the project, he never paid much attention to it. Until now. Now he commented publicly on it, embarrassing and humiliating key managers on his staff.

What’s next? So Frank leaves the meeting feeling disgusted and frustrated. The staff members feel scolded and put down, in front of their peers. (The entire staff, by the way, had heard about the calendar and the overall consensus among 150 employees had been WOW! What a great idea, featuring pictures of them and their families!)

Frank’s supervisor, Sam the CEO, hears about what happened at the meeting and calls Frank into his office. What’s he going to say? How should he handle Frank? What could Frank have done differently? Fire him? Chastise him? Or salute his gutsy, take-no-prisoner mentality?

Tune into the Consultant/Insultant Show on Blogtalk radio for some answers. E-mail us at
Contact Dr. Gary at

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