Archive for January, 2010


Fired up?

You’d think he was fightin’ mad.

After only seven months on the job, he and (his entire staff) were fired this week.

He lost what has sometimes been called the best job in the world.

And he’s being replaced by the very person who had the job originally.

But Conan O’Brian spoke of his job loss at NBC with his usual flair and sense of humor.

“Tonight I am allowed to say whatever I want. No, I really am,” he said, prefacing what the audience expected to be an outpour of sarcasm and vitriol. But, no, he diplomatically praised NBC and thanked the company for all that they did for him for the past twenty years.

That, my friends, is how you do it.…with kindness, sincerity, and discretion. If you lose your job or suffer the loss of an important client, even if you feel it’s unfair, unwarranted and plain wrong, it makes sense to filter your words so you say the right thing.

Burning your bridge in 2010 means you’ll have no where to go should opportunities ever come your way.

Here are tips to help you filter what you’re thinking and make smart choices of what to say:

1. Make a list of everything that’s bothering you – what makes you angry, frustrated, and even vindictive.
2. Take full responsibility for each of these. How did I contribute to this problem?
3. What issues are worth sharing with my boss?
4. By sharing this with your boss, will any of this help you keep your job or move you in a direction where you can expect a positive referral?
5. If there is no real rhyme or reason to share (it won’t help your future), say nothing.
6. And in that case, thank your power people at your work for everything they’ve done. Show appreciation. Keep both feet in the business until the day you leave. And feel proud that if you left the bridge in tact, you can depend on your boss for a positive referral.

Conan’s farewell speech came probably after many days of heated negotiation. But we didn’t feel any of that when he spoke the other night because he showed restraint as well as humility.
Once the anger subsides and logic kicks in, you can make much smarter decisions that may prove valuable some day in helping further your career.

This blog was written by Dr. Gary Seigel
For a free report on speaking up at work, or help with speaking up at work, e-mail Dr. Brian:

Category : Uncategorized | Blog

Ever shoot yourself in the foot?

We see it in the news every day.

Republicans associate Health Care with such terms as Death Panels, Government Take Over, and Obama socialism, and turn off voters with their fear mongering and paranoia.

Democrats, on the other hand, optimistic and change-oriented, become stupefied by over confidence and lose the most important senate seat in the country, risking any accomplishments they’ve made in the last 12 months

It’s nice to know we’re not alone when we make dumb mistakes…but what can we learn from this?

What gets you into trouble?

What’s the one thing you’d like to change about yourself that would make you more successful, earn you more money, and keep you from ever shooting yourself in the foot again?

Call in your questions. Get answers from two very different perspectives. And discover ways to create rapport with even the most troublesome people on earth!

Karen & Dr. Brian can help you find the solution to make you the communication expert you need to be in order to be amazing in 2010. Call in Tuesday
Phone # to Dial: 323-476-3672 | Use Conf ID: 921346#
or post a question now, at,or e-mail us at

Category : Uncategorized | Blog

Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them : When Loving Hurts and You Don’t Know Why?

Wow! I recently attended an even over several days with a group of men and women. Each time the leader (female) gave feedback to men in the group, we were given brutal, negative feedback. (Trust me, 6 others, including the women in the group verified my reality)
Women in the group were given competent feedback. By the third day of training, the entire group was negative and frustrated.

Later in the week, our leader let slip she had been divorced and had a bad encounter with several men since. Shew was overheard saying “I hate men!”

As a marital therapist, I have had several encounters with both men and women who have had horrible relationships, based on staying together through arguing. Amazing!

Most people stay in these relationships out of fear, low self esteem and NOT KNOWING how to deal with anger.
When should a couple collaborate? Compromise? Dominate?Placate?

How to communicate with each other and resolve conflict has not been taught in school. Or college.

Tune in tonight and listen for some answers and some fun in how to resolve conflict!

Angry men, angry women, angry at each other! How to cope with that?

* Why do men and women sometimes thrive on anger?
* What are the best techniques to break this cycle?
* How can you express anger effectively to enhance relationships?

Join your hosts Karen & Brian

Our Weekly show Hosted by Dr. Brian Grossman & Karen Marzo International Speakers and Consultants on Communications & Leadership.

Phone number to call:

Phone # to Dial: 323-476-3672 | Use Conf ID: 921346#
Backup #: (513) 233-7881 | Other #s

Category : Uncategorized | Blog

Well, I had a laptop/briefcase stolen from my car while I was standing three feet away.

Some helpful tools: Online computer backup Great networking for business Yearbook of experts Send a message from your phone to e-mail (Voice message)

www.requall. com

www.dial2do. com Wow, free attorney and ID theft protection immediately

Category : Uncategorized | Blog

The following is from a colleague, Dr. Gary Seigel, at
It’s so common, I had to post this;

I ended the year with a double header: Two classic examples of rudeness and unprofessionalism , back to back.

It started early in the evening when I went to CVS to buy vitamins that cost $11.46

After waiting in line for nearly fifteen minutes, I gave the cashier $21 dollars and 46 cents and she gave me back $9.

“I gave you a $20 bill and a $1 bill plus the change,” I told her.

“I know, you did.” She snapped back.

“So you should give me $10 back, right? “

She looked at me like I had stepped on her dog.

“Here” she slapped the ten dollar bill on the counter. And then she shouted, “Next customer!”

So I walked out of the store on this glorious warm Southern California evening, near the end of this difficult and challenging year, feeling strangely dismissed and angry. Should I say something to her or to her manager? Or should I just keep my comments to myself?

I decided it’s New Year’s Eve — say nothing and go next door to Von’s Market, and buy the few groceries I needed.

Here, the transactions went smoothly. I used a credit card. I grabbed the bag of groceries from Wynona, the checker’s assistant, and as she bagged the lettuce and bananas, she yelled at the grocery cashier on the next aisle. “Alice, is this day ever going to end? How about you? When do you get off?”

Alice yelled back. “I’m working an extra shift tonight. I’ll be here till midnight.”

“Oh Crap! I can’t wait to get off work. I don’t know how you do it. I get off at nine, thank God!”

And I walked out of the store, wondering if “Oh Crap!” Wynona and Alice even knew there were customers there, and did it matter that they shared a somewhat private conversation with a couple dozen customers shopping and walking through Von’s on New Year’s Eve?

It was nearly 7 p.m., now, and I forgot the bag of ice needed that night, so I pulled into the local liquor store down the street from my house. The guy in front of me stood chatting with the store owner.

The store owner watched me waiting, and leaning forward, she touched the man’s shoulder. “Let me help this customer, and then we can talk some more.”

I paid for the ice and thanked her. And as I’m walking out, she made sure I could hear her: “ I always take great care of my wonderful customers. Thank you for coming in! Have a happy and healthy New Year!”

I drove home, feeling appreciated and I suppose, a bit loved. After all, I’ve just been rewarded by being told I was one of her wonderful customers. And I was!

Here’s the dilemma.

That liquor store owner invests her energy in her store and in her customers. All she sells, really, is service. I can get ice and liquor anywhere, but when I go to her strip mall store, I am buying quick, helpful, cordial, professional service, and it costs her nothing to smile or, for that matter, to be nice.

Would she get the same service from someone she hired for, let’s say, ten bucks an hour?

Why not?

How is it more difficult for employees to simply apologize when they make mistake (“I’m so sorry. My mistake. Here’s your correct change. Have a great New Year!”) or save the backstage conversations for breaks instead of having them in front of the customers.

Is it because these employees make less money? Do they feel disrespected by their boss so they purposely act rude? Or are they simply ignorant of the image they create in front of the public and could care less about the unprofessionalism they display?

I don’t know, but if these situations sound familiar to you – and you work in an environment where you talk to customers every day — here are my two bits of advice:

1. If you’re in the retail business, you’re on stage. Don’t draw the curtain and create backstage talk/gossip/private chat that you wouldn’t want heard in front of everyone. One kind word to a customer can lead to hundreds of return visits. One rude response can lead to a thousand negative comments. Look at this blog. There must be at least four of you reading this!

2. If you make a mistake, my friends, apologize. Just say “I’m sorry.” How difficult is that? It’s the simplest thing in the world. We all make mistakes. Acknowledge it, and let the customer know you’re sorry. If it’s not your fault, that’s a whole other issue. Nevertheless, be kind and courteous and sincere to your customers for they are the ones who make your future possible – whether it gives you a paycheck or creates the opportunity for you to meet someone who will eventually pay you for your wonderful service and expertise.

By the way, my sister-in-law hires (steals) customer service people from stores ALL the time. Why spend money from an ad when you can see people in action at your local Macy’s or Penny’s and recruit the best right then and there!

Bottom line:

If you’re thinking this job stinks, I’m a low paying employee. I hate what I’m doing. This customer drives me crazy. When do I get off? That thinking will manifest itself in our attitude and behavior.

So think different.

Convince yourself of this: I’m glad to work here. This is a blessing. These customers depend on me. I am engaged to my job because I may meet someone who will see my skills and reward me for my expertise.

That, my friends, can create a very different behavior and customer service environment that can be both remarkable, achievable, and rewarding.

Category : Uncategorized | Blog


Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley

Category : Uncategorized | Blog