A manager recently told me that he lost his job because he thought the email he was writing would be kept private. He had casually used the phrase “Aren’t we a sloppy set of misfits?” in an email to his team. He said it sarcastically. The board of supervisors took it seriously (after receiving numerous complaints about the email) and fired him.

The main problem many of us have, unfortunately, is that we see our writing differently – literally through different eyes — than our readers do.

“I was being funny! Truly, I meant it sarcastically!” the manager told him.

We may write with good intent, but the reader’s emotional intelligence transforms the words into kindling.

Words do create fires. And in this case, excuse the pun, a firing. Intention is meaningless. The words alone create the meaning.

Take for example these simple, sometimes innocent phrases:

“obviously,”
“I don’t get this,”
“I need this back immediately,”
“he’s not getting it – what is he slow?”
“I sent you the proposal but I still haven’t heard from you,”
“What DON’T you get?”
“How come THIS isn’t happening YET?”
“You’re kidding me, right?”

I took these right out of emails I’ve seen from managers across the country.
Certainly capitalization adds intensity to the tone. And in many cases, I can say these phrases out loud in a way that won’t solicit a reaction. But in writing all bets are off. You have no idea how it will be interpreted. Even if you write something that you think is well meaning, an impatient reader, not interested in humor, may take it the wrong way.

.The consequences are too great. You can’t assume your audience matches your own intrepid (I want to say warped) sense of humor.

So what to do? Tune into Dr. Brian and Dr. Gary’s Consultant/Insultant Radio Show this Sunday morning at 8:30 a.m. (http://www.blogtalkradio.com/consultantinsultant) and learn some tips, strategies, and secrets for keeping your email to at work and at home danger-free of phrases and innuendos that can haunt you forever.