Ever surprised by how you are perceived by others at work?

Remember the skills that got you hired? You were told some of the following traits were what the team or company needed:

• Risk taker
• Assertive
• Producer, you get things done
• Direct and to the point in communication
• No B.S., you take no prisoners in pushing a project
• Easy going, you can get along with anybody
• Tact & Finesse in difficult communication issues

Oops!! Then you receive the call to your boss’s office right before probation ends, or your performance review begins, or after a difficult project is completed. The conversation might be something like: “Hmm, the staff thinks you don’t listen to input and are too abrupt. You’re being accused of flirting, being sarcastic, too flexible, not taking charge…”

I know I was stunned the first time it happened to me. Why are some people perceived as great when they are assertive and brusque, and others are perceived as mean or abrasive for the same traits? When did being diplomatic get you hired but in trouble if a project is being done too slowly?

Often times our perception of ourselves is off base the first year on a new job. When you are brought into a team or company where other employees have been there more than a year, being the new kid on the block can be most difficult. Many of us forget that while people may put on a friendly exterior, trust can take up to a year to grow. People are judging us, and watching and testing. Work is political.

Here are some tips to make sure you stay on target:

• Make sure your job description is crystal clear with you and your boss, and the team
• Check in with your peers about how you are perceived after a staff meeting or client call
• Monitor yourself. Be yourself; err on the side of caution when expressing opinions and decisions by using supporting data, not just your opinion.

Tune in Sunday morning when we talk on Blog talk Radio, the Consultant/Insultant at 8:30 AM http://www.blogtalkradio.com/consultantinsultant

Does the amount of money you are paid buy the right for an employer to ask insulting or intrusive questions?

This week the NFL came into the public eye when the General Manager of the Miami Dolphins asked Dez Bryant, a potential player: “Is your mother a prostitute?”

This is probably not a question one might expect applying for a bank vice president position, but in the NFL, where a player could earn over six figures and be a role model to millions, are such questions kosher?

How did the NFL, current and former players react? Seventy percent of NFL administrators and former players said that when you might be paid THIRTY MILLION dollars, any question is allowed. Thirty percent of former administrators said it was unacceptable, and Mike Ditka, former coach of the Chicago Bears said “I might have hit him if he asked me that question.”

What was the reaction at your workplace?

Does the amount of money you are paid impact how much your privacy can be invaded?

While State and Federal laws impact every non-sports- related business, professional sports teams are not necessarily bound by all the same laws.

The GM ostensibly asked that question to see how the player would react under pressure, but was the question about his mother too personal and demeaning?

Many business owners attempting to hire the right candidate in a flooded job market gather as much information as possible about an employee to protect the company. For example, if you suspected a candidate had a drug problem in the past, or a family member in prison, or a stint in a rehab center, can you bring those issues up? And how do you feel about being asked such intrusive questions?

During this tight economy, many employees may feel they cannot defend themselves from aggressive, intrusive company practices. Are you able to be assertive and say “That is inappropriate? Can you back off or rephrase that?”

Tune in this Sunday for the beginning of a three-week series on what can be said (or not said) at work, in interviews, and even in off-hours , when you might be sipping a beer with the CEO. Dr. Brian and Dr. Gary’s Insultant/Consultant Show always brings you surprising commentary and deliberate controversy. This Sunday at 8:30 AM PST http://www.blogtalkradio.com/consultantinsultant

Dear Bill,

I talked to cousin Sam yesterday and he said you were supposed to call me re: the funeral.
I was so upset you didn’t call me. I would not have missed it for anything. Next time, call me when someone dies in the family.

Love, Marla
———————————————————————————————————

Dear Marla,

You didn’t go to either of my sons’ weddings last year. Why would you suddenly appear at a funeral? And I didn’t call you because Sam said he’d make those calls himself. You should know me better than that.

Bill
———————————————————————————————————
Dear Bill

I’m sorry. I wasn’t mad at you. That’s just the information I got. You know I was sick last year and couldn’t make either of the weddings. Don’t have such a fit.

Marla
——————————————————————————————————-
Dear Marla,

I’m not having a fit… Next time, pick up the phone and ask me what’s going on rather than accuse me via mail.
Bill

Dear Bill,

What accusations are you talking about?

Marla

And it goes on and on.

The two bicker back and forth, never picking up the phone to discuss the matter, and before you know, the emails are forwarded to family and friends, each one defending their position.

Ever have an email war with your family? Tension builds. Frustrations grow out of control. And whatever you put in your writing, it’s there forever.

A lot of times we forget embarrassing and shameful things that are said out loud. They just disappear out of our memory. But with emails, they live forever.

They could survive an Icelandic volcano, because they are invisible creatures that never die.

Find out how to control them and keep your family safe from troublesome emails. Tune into Dr. Gary and Dr Brian’s Insultant/ Consultant Show this Sunday at 8:30 am and discover some tricks, secrets, and strategies for keeping you and your family out of email hell.

Join Dr. Brian & Dr. Gary Sunday, April 25, 2010 at 8:30 AM http://www.blogtalkradio.com/consultantinsultant

A manager recently told me that he lost his job because he thought the email he was writing would be kept private. He had casually used the phrase “Aren’t we a sloppy set of misfits?” in an email to his team. He said it sarcastically. The board of supervisors took it seriously (after receiving numerous complaints about the email) and fired him.

The main problem many of us have, unfortunately, is that we see our writing differently – literally through different eyes — than our readers do.

“I was being funny! Truly, I meant it sarcastically!” the manager told him.

We may write with good intent, but the reader’s emotional intelligence transforms the words into kindling.

Words do create fires. And in this case, excuse the pun, a firing. Intention is meaningless. The words alone create the meaning.

Take for example these simple, sometimes innocent phrases:

“obviously,”
“I don’t get this,”
“I need this back immediately,”
“he’s not getting it – what is he slow?”
“I sent you the proposal but I still haven’t heard from you,”
“What DON’T you get?”
“How come THIS isn’t happening YET?”
“You’re kidding me, right?”

I took these right out of emails I’ve seen from managers across the country.
Certainly capitalization adds intensity to the tone. And in many cases, I can say these phrases out loud in a way that won’t solicit a reaction. But in writing all bets are off. You have no idea how it will be interpreted. Even if you write something that you think is well meaning, an impatient reader, not interested in humor, may take it the wrong way.

.The consequences are too great. You can’t assume your audience matches your own intrepid (I want to say warped) sense of humor.

So what to do? Tune into Dr. Brian and Dr. Gary’s Consultant/Insultant Radio Show this Sunday morning at 8:30 a.m. (http://www.blogtalkradio.com/consultantinsultant) and learn some tips, strategies, and secrets for keeping your email to at work and at home danger-free of phrases and innuendos that can haunt you forever.

The Vice President of Public Affairs at Toyota did not have a very good week.

A private email he wrote months ago was seen by hundreds of millions of people across the world.

“I hate to break this to you,” he wrote (last January 17– occasionally using all capitals for emphasis) “but WE HAVE a tendency for MECHANICAL failure in accelerator pedals for a certain manufacturer on certain models. We are not protecting our customers by keeping this quiet. The time to hide on this one is over. We need to come clean …”

Chances are— an email you write will never manage to achieve such broad readership. Frankly, Shakespeare – in the 400 years since he’s been dead — can hardly match such stunning numbers. Burt unfortunately, communication that we think can remain private has the potential in 2010 to reach massive audiences.

It’s a dilemma not restricted to CEOs and upper management. We all face the potential to embarrass and humiliate (if not ruin) our careers by simply saying something in writing that can eventually backfire.
Here’s some advice.

1. Before sending an email that discusses anything slightly controversial, let it sit for a few hours. Then, look at it with fresh eyes.

2. Call your lawyer and fax over the email (or document) before pressing that send key.

3. Schedule a meeting and discuss the issues privately, but don’t put it in writing until your words and tone are checked and double-checked by an objective reader/editor.

Note: Even with private discussions, oral communication can and will be used against you – as we’ve seen recently and often in bathrooms throughout Congress. Your words are important, whether they’re in writing or spoken “off the record.”

Want to learn some strategies for avoiding these mistakes? Talk to the two master Mistake Makers themselves. Overcome by shame and humiliation in their past, they have learned tips and secrets that save companies billions every year by simply teaching business professionals to keep their foot out of their mouth.

Tune into the Insultant/Consultant Radio Show Sunday at 8:30 AM and DR. Brian and Dr. Gary will offer some candid confessions of their own as well as solutions to help you say it and write it right the first time.
For more information about Dr. Brian’s tools for Saying it to anyone, anywhere, anytime, coaching and communication workshops, Email DrBrian@DrBrianGrossman.com, or visit www.DrBrianGrossman.com.

Dr. Gary’s workshops and keynotes can inspire your staff to write powerful, clear concise emails. His book, The Mouth Trap: Strategies, Tips, and Secrets to Keep Your Foot in Your Mouth, has recently been translated into fourteen languages and is available through career Press on Amazon and at his website, www.themouthtrap.com

Tiger & Elin are staying together for now. After a ton of pressure and publicity, he may have a chance of saving his marriage.

What causes you to stay in a business relationship vs. leaving? Have you felt trapped by circumstance? What about a personal relationship?

What are the deal breakers that would cause you to leave or stay in a relationship? Kids? Money? Confidence?

Let’s talk about what is best in different situations.

http://www.genderlyspeaking.com/Weekly_Tele-Talk.php

Have you noticed it? Can you feel it when walk into the store? Is it generational?
I walked into Macy’s with my parents. They wanted to buy a new jacket and return a shirt. Fifteen minutes later waiting at a counter to return the shirt, (One cashier, ten people waiting), I volunteered to wait in line while my parents looked for that special jacket.

Senior citizens ten to have a shorter span for patience. My parents knew what jacket they wanted, but it was not where two sales persons had directed them to go. The cashier at my line turned around. She had at least ten nails or prongs in each ear, something in each side of her nose and on her tongue. Now, I have two nephews who are in the millennial generation, and I am a former child psychologist. I am used to people expressing their individuality. Yet, this cashier had trouble speaking clearly, due to her tongue accoutrement.

My parents gave up, and I suggested Nordstrom’s, across teach mall, and would still have excellent service. They also have fallen pray to “minimum staff allowed” syndrome.

We heard comments such as ” I don’t know, not my department, we do not have that item,” after wandering around for another twenty minutes. My father was ranting, my mother taking things in stride.

Do men and women respond differently to customer service issues?
Who has more patience?
Do men and women sales reps communicate differently?

Call in, listen in tonight at 6PM PST to www.genderlyspeaking.com, or email a question in now.

Talk@genderlyspeaking.com