A Three-Part Phone Conversation with the Insultant/Consultant Team of Dr. Brian and Dr. Gary

Imagine you’re in the travel business – in 2010 – and not only are people cutting back on their entertainment expenses, but every day another airline is announcing more restrictions, delays, up front costs, and security problems.

Oil now threatens to destroy beach travel all across the South.

Even new political changes and scandals (AIG, immigration laws) cause entire companies to boycott having conventions or conferences anywhere outside their warehouse.

And to make matters worse, the whole of Europe with its economic turmoil turns potential European tourists into stay-at home-vacationers.

“Why bother? I’ll just take my two weeks, stay at home with my family, and barbecue,” one client told me.

“This summer? We’re hiking, biking, and museum hopping at home,” said another.

How do you inspire and motivate a staff to wake up every morning and feel like making wildly profitable cold calls when your clientele is shrinking and the world around you seems to be on the edge of default?

Tune into their greatest challenge ever: Motivating the Unmotivated.

This Sunday, Dr. Brian and Dr. Gary start a three part series about staying motivated during trying times.

June 6 Part One: Learn how to distinguish yourself from other companies and other employees. How do you uniquely create your own niche through better email communication, better phone calls, more energized spirited positive messaging so that you go beyond the proverbial weather issues (the economy, competition, attracting customers, environment)

June 13 Part Two: What can companies and employers do themselves that will inspire this positive attitude the moment the employee steps into the door? In fact, is there a test to see if you’re even capable of developing this distinguishable attitude? Tune into for some surprising tips on interview questions and systems you can institute to assure you’re hiring a “positive” person.

June 20 Part Three: In honor of Father’s Day, Dr. Brian and Dr. Gary have a real surprise for you. What influences did your father or mother have on your ability to be motivated at work? Are some employees just simply better at this because of their upbringing? What can families do to inspire their children to develop a natural affinity to bounce back? Be positive? Be self-motivated?

You can’t afford to miss this opportunity to hear two experts (the sickeningly tell it like it is Dr. Brian and the gleamingly glass-too-full Dr. Gary) to discuss new ways to deal with everyday employee problems and dilemmas.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/consultantinsultant

Ever say something and get a blank stare from your listener? Or you’re talking at a meeting and somewhere in the audience you hear a “Whoa” sound. You can just feel this knot incubate in your stomach, realizing that you said something you know stepped over the line.
It happens every day, of course, to famous people all over the world.
This week, one crucial situation provided a great example of stepping over the line. The CEO of BP, Tony Hayward, was perceived as handling a major oil spill crisis in a proactive manner. But his comments offended all of his potential supporters and the government by stating “It wasn’t our accident,” he told the Today Show on Monday. Pressed by anchor Meredith Vieira, Hayward claimed: “The drilling rig was a Transocean drilling rig. It was their rig and their equipment that failed, run by their people, their processes.”
That statement, blaming others and taking no responsibility himself, caused an outcry from Gulf States suffering from the oil spill.
In fact, Hayward’s arrogance could easily characterize the tone of many CEOs in this era of financial collapse and ethical misconduct.
Will Hayward (or managers at Goldman Sachs or hundreds of other CEOs in financial institutions across the land) win back the faith of the American people?
Once people at work (or home) change their perception of you, or if you are perceived being aggressive, it’s difficult to gain back trust or change the perception. The fact is, one year of perfect behavior/communication, followed by one mistake, can reinforce people’s negative perception of you.

Whether you are in the public eye or not, here are some quick tips for staying on the assertive rather than aggressive side of Smart Communication:
• Prepare notes, and refer to them during meetings or presentations.
• If possible, record your ideas and play them back to yourself. How would you feel if you were the recipient?
• Talk to a trusted source before you have to speak at the meeting or with a boss or client.
• If you are put on the spot, or speaking off the cuff, take a deep breath and think for a moment. It’s okay to say, “Please just give me a moment to think, or could you repeat the question?

Nobody at work or home expects you to speak like a professional. However, if you practice simple, Smart Communication techniques you can quickly be perceived as an excellent, Smart Communicator. Tune in Sunday morning when we talk on Blog talk Radio, the Consultant/Insultant at 8:30 AM http://www.blogtalkradio.com/consultantinsultant

Celebrities, business leaders, politicians are often respected for “speaking their mind.” Often we get hired for being clear, assertive and “pulling no punches.”

Often times we are unaware when we step over the line and become perceived as insensitive unless a friend, colleague or boss let’s us know. The more you “get away” with risky communication, the more risks we take. Often when speaking in seminars, until I get the blank stare, or “Whoa” sound from the audience, or I receive evaluations, I may not know if I stepped over the line.

This week, two crucial situations provided great examples of stepping over the line. The CEO of BP, Tony Hayward who was perceived as handling a major oil spill crisis in a proactive manner, offended all of his potential supports and the government by stating “It wasn’t our accident,” he told the Today Show on Monday. Pressed by anchor Meredith Vieira, Hayward claimed: “the drilling rig was a Transocean drilling rig. It was their rig and their equipment that failed, run by their people, their processes.”

That statement caused an outcry from Gulf States suffering from the oil spill to call for more government oversight rather than rely on expert BP employees.

Tuesday, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, commenting on Erin Andrews’ outfit on Dancing with the Stars said: “In light of what happened … and as inexcusable as it was for that horrific guy to go in and try to peep on her in her hotel room … I mean, in some way if I [was] him, I [would be] like, ‘Man! I just could’ve waited 12 weeks and seen this — a little bit less — without the prison time!’” On May 5, 2010, Hasselbeck apologized on the View and privately to Erin Andrews. Meanwhile, Elizabeth Hasselbeck has been told, even by her show co-hosts that she was insensitive and “way over the top.” Assertive communication is saying what you mean. Aggressive communication is when you harm the rights of others.

Once people at work (or home) change their perception of you, or if you are perceived being aggressive it’s difficult to gain back trust or change the perception. The fact is, one year of perfect behavior/communication, followed by one mistake, can reinforce people’s negative perception of you.

Whether you are in the public eye or not, here are some quick tips for staying on the assertive rather than aggressive side of Smart Communication:
• Prepare notes, and refer to them during meetings or presentations.
• If possible, record your ideas and play them back to yourself. How would you feel if you were the recipient?
• Talk to a trusted source before you have to speak at the meeting or with a boss or client.
• If you are put on the spot, or speaking off the cuff, take a deep breath and think for a moment. It’s okay to say, “Please just give me a moment to think, or could you repeat the question?

Nobody at work or home expects you to speak like a professional. However, if you practice simple, Smart Communication techniques you can quickly be perceived as an excellent, Smart Communicator. Tune in Sunday morning when we talk on Blog talk Radio, the Consultant/Insultant at 8:30 AM http://www.blogtalkradio.com/consultantinsultant

Ever surprised by how you are perceived by others at work?

Remember the skills that got you hired? You were told some of the following traits were what the team or company needed:

• Risk taker
• Assertive
• Producer, you get things done
• Direct and to the point in communication
• No B.S., you take no prisoners in pushing a project
• Easy going, you can get along with anybody
• Tact & Finesse in difficult communication issues

Oops!! Then you receive the call to your boss’s office right before probation ends, or your performance review begins, or after a difficult project is completed. The conversation might be something like: “Hmm, the staff thinks you don’t listen to input and are too abrupt. You’re being accused of flirting, being sarcastic, too flexible, not taking charge…”

I know I was stunned the first time it happened to me. Why are some people perceived as great when they are assertive and brusque, and others are perceived as mean or abrasive for the same traits? When did being diplomatic get you hired but in trouble if a project is being done too slowly?

Often times our perception of ourselves is off base the first year on a new job. When you are brought into a team or company where other employees have been there more than a year, being the new kid on the block can be most difficult. Many of us forget that while people may put on a friendly exterior, trust can take up to a year to grow. People are judging us, and watching and testing. Work is political.

Here are some tips to make sure you stay on target:

• Make sure your job description is crystal clear with you and your boss, and the team
• Check in with your peers about how you are perceived after a staff meeting or client call
• Monitor yourself. Be yourself; err on the side of caution when expressing opinions and decisions by using supporting data, not just your opinion.

Tune in Sunday morning when we talk on Blog talk Radio, the Consultant/Insultant at 8:30 AM http://www.blogtalkradio.com/consultantinsultant

Does the amount of money you are paid buy the right for an employer to ask insulting or intrusive questions?

This week the NFL came into the public eye when the General Manager of the Miami Dolphins asked Dez Bryant, a potential player: “Is your mother a prostitute?”

This is probably not a question one might expect applying for a bank vice president position, but in the NFL, where a player could earn over six figures and be a role model to millions, are such questions kosher?

How did the NFL, current and former players react? Seventy percent of NFL administrators and former players said that when you might be paid THIRTY MILLION dollars, any question is allowed. Thirty percent of former administrators said it was unacceptable, and Mike Ditka, former coach of the Chicago Bears said “I might have hit him if he asked me that question.”

What was the reaction at your workplace?

Does the amount of money you are paid impact how much your privacy can be invaded?

While State and Federal laws impact every non-sports- related business, professional sports teams are not necessarily bound by all the same laws.

The GM ostensibly asked that question to see how the player would react under pressure, but was the question about his mother too personal and demeaning?

Many business owners attempting to hire the right candidate in a flooded job market gather as much information as possible about an employee to protect the company. For example, if you suspected a candidate had a drug problem in the past, or a family member in prison, or a stint in a rehab center, can you bring those issues up? And how do you feel about being asked such intrusive questions?

During this tight economy, many employees may feel they cannot defend themselves from aggressive, intrusive company practices. Are you able to be assertive and say “That is inappropriate? Can you back off or rephrase that?”

Tune in this Sunday for the beginning of a three-week series on what can be said (or not said) at work, in interviews, and even in off-hours , when you might be sipping a beer with the CEO. Dr. Brian and Dr. Gary’s Insultant/Consultant Show always brings you surprising commentary and deliberate controversy. This Sunday at 8:30 AM PST http://www.blogtalkradio.com/consultantinsultant

Dear Bill,

I talked to cousin Sam yesterday and he said you were supposed to call me re: the funeral.
I was so upset you didn’t call me. I would not have missed it for anything. Next time, call me when someone dies in the family.

Love, Marla
———————————————————————————————————

Dear Marla,

You didn’t go to either of my sons’ weddings last year. Why would you suddenly appear at a funeral? And I didn’t call you because Sam said he’d make those calls himself. You should know me better than that.

Bill
———————————————————————————————————
Dear Bill

I’m sorry. I wasn’t mad at you. That’s just the information I got. You know I was sick last year and couldn’t make either of the weddings. Don’t have such a fit.

Marla
——————————————————————————————————-
Dear Marla,

I’m not having a fit… Next time, pick up the phone and ask me what’s going on rather than accuse me via mail.
Bill

Dear Bill,

What accusations are you talking about?

Marla

And it goes on and on.

The two bicker back and forth, never picking up the phone to discuss the matter, and before you know, the emails are forwarded to family and friends, each one defending their position.

Ever have an email war with your family? Tension builds. Frustrations grow out of control. And whatever you put in your writing, it’s there forever.

A lot of times we forget embarrassing and shameful things that are said out loud. They just disappear out of our memory. But with emails, they live forever.

They could survive an Icelandic volcano, because they are invisible creatures that never die.

Find out how to control them and keep your family safe from troublesome emails. Tune into Dr. Gary and Dr Brian’s Insultant/ Consultant Show this Sunday at 8:30 am and discover some tricks, secrets, and strategies for keeping you and your family out of email hell.

Join Dr. Brian & Dr. Gary Sunday, April 25, 2010 at 8:30 AM http://www.blogtalkradio.com/consultantinsultant

A manager recently told me that he lost his job because he thought the email he was writing would be kept private. He had casually used the phrase “Aren’t we a sloppy set of misfits?” in an email to his team. He said it sarcastically. The board of supervisors took it seriously (after receiving numerous complaints about the email) and fired him.

The main problem many of us have, unfortunately, is that we see our writing differently – literally through different eyes — than our readers do.

“I was being funny! Truly, I meant it sarcastically!” the manager told him.

We may write with good intent, but the reader’s emotional intelligence transforms the words into kindling.

Words do create fires. And in this case, excuse the pun, a firing. Intention is meaningless. The words alone create the meaning.

Take for example these simple, sometimes innocent phrases:

“obviously,”
“I don’t get this,”
“I need this back immediately,”
“he’s not getting it – what is he slow?”
“I sent you the proposal but I still haven’t heard from you,”
“What DON’T you get?”
“How come THIS isn’t happening YET?”
“You’re kidding me, right?”

I took these right out of emails I’ve seen from managers across the country.
Certainly capitalization adds intensity to the tone. And in many cases, I can say these phrases out loud in a way that won’t solicit a reaction. But in writing all bets are off. You have no idea how it will be interpreted. Even if you write something that you think is well meaning, an impatient reader, not interested in humor, may take it the wrong way.

.The consequences are too great. You can’t assume your audience matches your own intrepid (I want to say warped) sense of humor.

So what to do? Tune into Dr. Brian and Dr. Gary’s Consultant/Insultant Radio Show this Sunday morning at 8:30 a.m. (http://www.blogtalkradio.com/consultantinsultant) and learn some tips, strategies, and secrets for keeping your email to at work and at home danger-free of phrases and innuendos that can haunt you forever.